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UPCOMING ISSUES |
JUST FOR MOMReturn to work or stay at home?
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------ Return to work or stay at home? While pregnant with my oldest son, I held two jobs: a full-time position in a life sciences university lab, and a part-time teaching position at another school. Both were equally rewarding jobs, and both promised to be there after the maternity leave was over. I was convinced that I would be there, too, at some point. Although I still teach occasionally, most of the time I work from my home office, knowing that I won’t go back to working full-time away from home, unless I am forced to. Regrets? No. Frustrated every now and then? Yes. But then again, we all get frustrated occasionally and think that the grass is greener on the other side. Whether you choose to be a stay-at-home mom or a working mom, the most important thing is to feel comfortable with your decision, rather than envious or guilty. Mothers nowadays are exposed to a great deal of society pressure when they have to decide which road to take. The answer to this dilemma should be a family affair. Give yourself enough time to think it over, and even more time to settle in your new role. The facts. You work full-time, love your job and the comfort associated with a steady pay cheque, but baby will join the family soon and you’ll have to decide whether to return to work or to stay home with your new bundle of joy. Since December 2000, the Canadian Unemployment Insurance Act grants up to 52 weeks of parental leave to new parents–yes, not just mothers, since 35 of the 52 weeks can be shared between the parents–with weekly benefits of up to a maximum of $413. In order to qualify for the leave, future parent must have at least 600 working hours in the last 52 weeks. So you have it all planned out: you enjoy your year-long leave while you search for a decent childcare solution for your little one, so you can return to work after the baby’s first birthday. If this is true, you are like the almost 80 percent of mothers who did just that in 2000 and 2001, according to an article published in Statistics Canada Catalogue in March 2003. But what if you change your mind and don’t want to return to work, at least not for the next several years, opting instead to stay home full-time with your child? Both solutions are equally viable, so choose what works best with your personality and financial situation. Read on. Work it is then. Maria Lovas (not her real name), Vancouver mother of two, knew from the beginning that she would be a working mother. “I love my job and I love my children, but I would be miserable if I’d have to stay home full-time,” Lovas says. Yes, sometimes it gets tough, she admits, especially when her work schedule overlaps with pick-up time at her son’s school or when she has to go on business trips. Life is unpredictable even with the best of scheduling, though, so it is important for children to learn one can find solutions even when all seems chaotic. Working away from home doesn’t mean that you are less involved in your children’s lives either. You have the evening and weekends to connect and spend time together. “I make time for my kids every night, no matter how tired I am,” Lovas says. Drawbacks? “Ideally, I would love to have a little time for myself, but that will come when my children will be older,” she confesses. Overall, she says, “I would not change a thing, but it took me a while to get over the guilt of leaving my children to go to work.” Take-home message: Knowing that children are happy and well taken care of helps mothers get over the guilt feelings of leaving baby in someone else’s care. Other moms find it easier to work from home, or if they can stay home one day a week. Alicia Tremont (not her real name), mother of two children aged 5 and 10, returned to work full-time after staying home for the first couple of years and then working part-time. Having a day off every week made a huge difference for everyone in the family. Tremont says. Full-time work, although great financially, can be very exhausting. If you experience high work-related stress, make sure you talk to your doctor about it and talk to your employers about alternative options. A new trend these days is working from home—whether self-employed or working for an employer—while a babysitter looks after your child. Working from home will force you to sharpen your time management skills and establish clear boundaries when deadlines approach. Needless to say, chatting on the phone or checking emails every half an hour will not help you deliver projects in due time. Work discipline is hard to achieve but totally worth it and indispensable to the work-at-home parent. Staying at home and loving it. Patricia Howe (not her real name) laughs as she says that some people think of stay-at-home moms as on a “permanent vacation.” “It’s hard work, and you never get a break, but I love it,” Howe says. “I want to be there for my children especially during the first years of life.” Howe, a nurse in her previous career, says that not being able to be on her son’s side permanently while he was sick four years ago, greatly influenced her decision to become a stay-at-home mom. The reward of being home with your children and witnessing the little things that make life with a child so rich is an amazing feeling that stay-at-home parents agree is priceless. But being a full-time parent is not easy. You miss the adult conversations, uninterrupted by little hands pulling at you; having a cup of tea with a mom friend during a play date is a great opportunity to talk about other things than bibs, burps and potty training. If you opt to stay home with your children, make sure your partner shares the load too. Mothers who look after the children all day long are entitled to have a second to themselves, while Dad takes care of the kids. Housework is yet another dilemma. Find a system that works for everybody in the family. Mothers cannot be expected to do all the work, and dads need to remember that every bit of help counts. Yet there will be days when teething or a stubborn runny nose will not leave any room for cleaning the house or cooking. Even with piles of dirty dishes in the sink and pasta and cheese for lunch, you have to be able to see the silver lining. Children don’t need a perfect environment. It is great for them to learn that cuddling to read a book when most needed or comforting a sick child comes before a pile of dishes. Drawbacks? Yes, Howe admits, she misses going to work where she had her alone time, but life is definitely less hectic since she decided to stay home. When chaos seems to take over, just remember the magic old words “This too shall pass,” Because it will. Money matters. Whether we want to admit it or not, a baby will challenge the financial balance of a household. Often times, the decision to return to work is not based on what your heart wants but what has to be done in order to pay the bills. Although lower income was associated with a quicker return to work, according to the above-mentioned study, there are now more possibilities for mothers who want to enjoy more time with their child but have to provide as well. If you were the principal breadwinner in the family before baby, giving up work even for a couple of years might be too difficult financially. Talk to your partner about becoming a stay-at-home dad at least until a more permanent solution is found. Talk to your employer about working from home or moonlighting every now and then to meet the deadlines. Finding a family-friendly employer is not easy but well worth the effort. If your children are all young and still in daycare, it might be worth trying to find a reliable nanny instead. Unless your job is an absolute must you can also consider staying home temporarily, if daycare costs run too high. Wherever you turn your head these days, the great debate is on. The stay-at-home moms versus working moms debate is bound to make a few feathers ruffle here and there. There is no perfect answer, but the possibilities are plenty. No one is supposed to judge your decision and you should not look to anyone for approval. Sure, we want our children to have the best care, whether at home with a parent or another trusted caregiver, or in a certified daycare setting, but at the same time, parents have to be happy with the decision too. Every generation of mothers will face the dilemma of whether to return to work or to stay home with the children. There is no answer to fit everyone needs and wishes, which makes it utterly important for every mother to follow her heart, ponder over the reasons to go one way or another, and ultimately trust her own judgment. ------ Happy Mother’s Day, Mommy As Mother’s Day approaches you may be looking forward to breakfast in bed, a bouquet of flowers, and handmade gifts from your little ones. It is a day of recognition, honouring, and celebration. We eagerly anticipate the special attention and care, knowing that the next day life will return to our normal routine once again. While the loving care of our family is much appreciated, this is also an opportunity to explore the ways in which we take loving care of ourselves. What does self-care look like in your life? You may first find yourself reflecting on how much you are exercising, your nutrition, or when your last pedicure was. Self-care is a popular term these days, and physical self-care seems to be the centre of attention. Whole self-care, however, goes far beyond exercise and pedicures. It brings the recognition, honouring, and celebration that we experience on Mother’s Day into our everyday life. According to Renee Trudeau, author of The Mother’s Guide to Self-Renewal, “eliminating critical thinking, not over-scheduling, releasing the need to be perfect, going on dates with your partner or yourself, saying ‘no,’ refusing to do things out of guilt, and giving yourself much-needed rest and downtime to refuel are also integral to total self-care.” Recognition Honouring Celebration This May, celebrate the small moments rather than focusing on your long list of things yet to be done. When we release the big picture and allow ourselves to become fully engaged in the present moment, we can truly enjoy what is. When you get to the gym, or you finally sign up for that ceramics class, celebrate! Treat yourself to an extra half hour at a café after the class ends before you go home again. When you say ‘no’ to a new commitment, chase away the guilt by looking at yourself in the mirror and saying a quiet thank-you to yourself. Go out on a date with your partner or a dear friend and consider together ways you can bring a sense of celebration into your everyday life. Making it last ------ Reclaiming yourself after baby One of the most important things you can do for your family is to take care of yourself. But how many of us actually take this message to heart? Before I had my baby I thought I was prepared. I read the books. I took the prenatal classes. What I wasn’t ready for was the radical transformation from Singlehood to Motherhood. I quickly went from being a successful business professional to a sleep-deprived mom whose big excitement was an afternoon nap (if I could manage that) and watching reruns of Friends. I had to fit it all in between feedings and tidying the house. In the first few weeks of my son’s life, it seemed that all my time was spent feeding and bathing him all the while trying to figure out what this little person required of me. I looked and felt awful. Personal grooming seemed unnecessary. It didn’t seem to matter much. After all most of my days were spent indoors. That was good considering that I had decided at that time that putting on makeup was too much work. I barely found time to shower and select shoes that match or enough energy to brush my hair. Now, two years later I can’t imagine going back to Singlehood as I love Motherhood more and more each day. I have learned though trial and error that in order to be true to myself, I must find simple ways to pamper myself. I need to do that in order to be a better mother to my son and to continue to foster relationships and talents that meant so much to me in my single years. So take it from this mom: it is possible to find time for that a quick shower or new hairstyle. Here’s how you can do it. Take Some Mommy Time Mommy See Mommy Do Look Your Best ALWAYS Out With the Old A Time to Shine ------ How to instantly look 12 lbs slimmer If you’re anything like me, surviving the first months of motherhood involved an elaborate strategy of extra-foam Starbucks, gobbled pizza, and a large amount of chocolate. Now it’s time to shed that extra weight. But do we have to wait until the departure of every last pregnancy pound before looking, and feeling, great? In between triathlon training sessions – ahem – we have lives to lead. And outfits to choose. So how to appear not so, er, squashy? Help is here. There are ways to dress to appear several pounds slimmer. 1. Wear clothes that fit properly The opposite of baggy is equally sinful. Straining fabric is a no-no. You do not want to give the impression you’re bursting out of your seams. 2. Colour yourself slimmer Black clothing is your best friend. Dark colours like navy and charcoal are also good at minimizing, but not quite as effective. Light colours, logically, have the opposite effect. So steer clear, particularly on your chubby bits. Ample bottom? Skip the white trousers. 3. Pick the right fabric 4. Trompe l’oiel Other ploys: to elongate your body, think vertical lines and seams, a dangling scarf, long necklaces. 5. Busted Get yourself into a good lingerie or department store for a proper fitting. Lift those breasts up and support them suitably with a great bra. 6. Pants: How low to go? 7. Mom jeans 8. Pants: the cut 9. Pants: the hem 10. Thoughts on skirts 11. Top advice 12. One last thing So you’re all set. Go through your wardrobe more meticulously than you’d use a nit comb on a lice-infested kid. Discard anything that doesn’t work. After that, it’s on to the best part: go shopping! You deserve it. ------ Mompreneurs: motherhood sparks business ideas What do Robeez, Barney and pole dancing have in common? These are all businesses started by moms. You might think sleepless nights and toddler talk are turning your grey matter into mush, but many mothers also find their time at home fertile ground for creative ideas. With a year-long maternity leave available to more women than ever before, moms are able to get into their groove as multitasking home-based hipsters. The prospect of going back to full-time employment with its long hours and gridlocked commutes often feels about as appealing as cleaning that unidentified goo out of the cracks of your child’s highchair. It might be time explore other options and some moms find starting a home-based business is the right choice for them. Women own and operate 35 percent of small businesses in BC, which translates to almost 137,000 businesses. Although starting a business can seem daunting, there are many resources available to support new mompreneurs on their journey, and with a little research and planning, business ownership can prove to be more than a source of income. As the following three business-moms testify, entrepreneurship, although challenging, is deeply rewarding. After being on mat leave for an entire year, Lara Leontowich got the point where she was questioning whether she really wanted to go back to her sales and marketing job. This mother of one knew she wanted some mental stimulation, and she noticed the need for local mom and baby fitness classes in her Port Moody neighbourhood. She had always dreamed of owning her own business, so she took the plunge and started Runners and Booties Fitness. With one successful business up and running, Leontowich is now onto her second business, an interactive online community called Westcoast Moms. “Motivating yourself can be hard,” Leontowich cautions would-be-mompreneurs. “You need a partner, mentor or family members who are really supportive. There is a lot of trial and error and you will often ask yourself, ‘Should I keep going or should I pack it in?’ Be patient. Connect with other women who are starting a business. Remind yourself growing your business takes time and things will be totally different in a few years.” Childcare is also something to think about. The vision of working at your computer while your children play peacefully at your side is unrealistic for most mompreneurs. Leonotowich started a local baby sitting co-op to help with her childcare needs. She also tackles some work while caring for her son. This can be challenging, and even humorous. She recalls a meeting with clients where she had her two-year-old son along: “All was going well, and he was keeping himself occupied. Then suddenly I caught a whiff of the air and I realized he had pooped his diaper!” They were meeting in a tiny board room and Leontowich was very apologetic, but it turned out both these clients were moms and they totally understood. They enjoyed reminiscing about when they were back in diaper days with their own children. Starting a business is not something everyone feels capable of doing alone, and some moms find there is power in partnership. Penny Seto and Tomi Eng met at Vancouver’s Roundhouse Community Centre, when both were enjoying time off work with their first children. On one seawall stroll together, Eng found herself complaining to Seto about a wet bum after damp grass soaked through her fleece blanket. “Someone should make a large blanket that is waterproof on one side,” she observed. “I know how we could make one of those,” Penny chimed in. And so their company, Milk Factory, was born. “Probably if I was just doing it on my own, I wouldn’t have gone for it,” Eng recalls, but even with each other for support, starting a business has had plenty of challenges. “You are managing all these different relationships and there is never enough time,” Eng points out. “Ironically, at times work pulls us away from our families. It can get obsessive and you have to step back and remember your personal goals as well as your business goals. Owning a business is very liberating and yet at the same time you feel bound to it.” On the positive side, Eng also feels she has found a renewed sense of purpose. “To see little pieces of clothing on our children that we designed, is pretty amazing.” Tracey Ehman is another mom who always knew she wanted to work for herself, for as she puts it, “I have a creative side and I like to have control of my situation.” Even when this Langley mother of two was working a regular day job, she always had “a little side thing going.” But it is her latest business venture that has really fuelled Ehman’s excitement about being a business owner. As she describes it, “Pole Lot of Fun is a company where women of every age, shape and size can find their inner diva and have an evening of incredible fun and laughter through pole dancing.” Ehman has found that being a business-woman is rewarding in more ways than just the money or the work. When she was at home with her children, although she was supporting their growth, she didn’t feel like she was growing as a person. Her latest business has got her to step out of her comfort zone, and Ehman finds the growth within herself to be phenomenal. Learning time management has also been a rewarding challenge and she loves the flexibility to schedule her work around her children’s field trips. For women interested in working with a direct sales company, such as Pole Lot of Fun, Usborne Books, or the many others, Ehman reminds moms to do their research before they invest any money. “If it sounds to good to be true, it probably is,” she cautions, “so talk to people who are involved. Ask enough questions to be comfortable and know you are going to be able to get the support you need. Once you have done your research, trust your instincts and go by feel. No business is going to be perfect, but there will be a particular organization that is the best fit for you.” Although starting a business is initially a costly endeavor, and small business employees in BC earn on average just over $30, 000, starting your own business doesn’t necessarily mean sacrificing a lucrative career. Sandra Wilson, the founder of Robeez, started her business in 1994 from her North Vancouver basement after being laid of while on maternity leave from an airline company job. She recently sold her company to Stride Rite for $30.5 million. Another momprenuer who has experienced phenomenal success is Sheryl Leach, an American mother of one and the founder of Barney. This former teacher just wanted a wholesome engaging video to hold the attention of her own very active toddler, who happened to like dinosaurs. So the next time you put a pair of Robeez on your child, or pop in that Barney video, remember where one mom’s initiative can lead. Maybe it is time for you to explore your own career options and to see where creative solutions could lead you! ------ Active Mommy Ideas for Mother’s Day: Have a spa day Get active Go for high tea Take a class Go shopping See a movie Go gourmet Go for a run |
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